#MeToo is hiding more than it is
Revealing
This story goes many moons back. It was winter break at Delhi
University and I was at home getting the TLC which is a hosteller’s right when
the phone rang. My very good friend was on the other side. The only words she
spoke on the phone were,’ I am coming to stay at your place’. Her narrative
left me shaken and stirred. Her mother’s brother, at whose house she was
spending the holidays, had on the pretext of sharing her shawl while watching a
movie, touched her at all the places he shouldn’t have. She answered my
unspoken question with a shake of her head and I nodded in agreement. It was
understood that some things were best brushed under the carpet. Family was
sacrosanct and it was the duty of each member to guard its sanctity and shroud the acts.
For my friend, just as for most Indian women, these
‘encounters’ have been scurrilous episodes of life, to be brushed under the
carpet and forgotten. Well brought up girls don’t speak out and silence is
golden. That silence was yesterday. Or is it really so? Yes, today many voices are speaking out
against male predators: Alpha men with narcissism and egotism so deeply etched
in their flawed psyche that for them it is perfectly par for the course to try
and stake claim to women who are not their wedded halves. Yes, these men have
met their waterloo in #Metoo with skeletons tumbling out of
cupboards at a deliciously dizzying rate. But the women taking the lead, so
far, are either famous or working, or both. These are definitely empowered
voices and the voices are not shying away from telling their stories on social
media.
Men in media, films, corporate houses, politics are being
called out and so are authors, writers et el. It is with pride that one follows
the girls and women who are standing up to be counted. However, while this piece
is not about belittling the brave vanguard voices, it is important to acknowledge
that out of all the voices that have spoken out, there is no voice of a niece
or a sister, or a sister-in-law, a daughter. The women of the family are still
quiet. If men, all men, are really to be shamed into understanding that women
cannot be sexually harassed then #Metoo will have to be the confluence of many
movements—involving the workplace, colleagues, friends, seniors and, most importantly,
Family. As
of now #Me Too seems to be shining light on the easy targets only.
The postulates or principles of a successful movement are so
basic that we cannot hope to achieve anything unless the basics are in place. A
dynamic, successful social movement really needs to be like the Ganga with its many tributaries.
It needs to open outwards to people and be powered by a groundswell of voices. The #MeToo movement
has to go deeper and scrutinize familial silence on sexually predatory
behavior. It is an open secret that most families have their Monsoon Wedding
moments. If women don’t do a Mira Nair then the movement will be hiding more
than it’s revealing. By its silence on the aspect of sexual assault from uncles,
brothers, relationships girls trust and don't have their guard up against, is #MeToo
forgiving more than its holding accountable?
Movements such as
#Metoo, with the wherewithal to transform mindsets, lives and society, need to emerge
from a multitude of struggles. Their roots need to go deeper, searching for the
origin of the rot. The origin of the rot is not the boss in the office or the
office colleague. The rot starts at the hearth. In this search, the base of the
movement will broaden to encompass those who are yet on the sidelines. The
stories that have been heard so far are about men who were not related to the
women they stalked. The women who have come out and spoken have not upset the house
(family) of cards
It is true that for
a truly powerful defining movement, the answer for success is that the
marginalised, the sidelined, those forming the bottom need to come to the
forefront. It is this bottom layer that needs to become propellers for the
movement and for the issues that the movement is trying to address. The untold
stories have to be told: by the women of the family.
CarpeDiem.
