How Nichiren Buddhism Helped Me

In the summer of 2016, my son, after his 12^th boards, got admission in a law school in Bangalore. The three weeks between his admission and joining date went in a flurry of shopping, packing, getting his papers etc in order. My husband and I went to drop him. All this while I had been my normal self- after all I had known all along that he was preparing for the entrance exam and that he was keen to do law. We were in Bangalore with him for two days and helped him settle in. When the time came to say bye- it suddenly hit me that I was actually saying bye to him for 5 years. And knowing how one road leads to another, maybe for many more years. I was very quiet on the flight back. When we reached home I went straight to his room. My eyes fell on his badminton racquet and I burst into tears.

In the days that followed the yawning gap inside me refused to fill up. I had read about the empty nest syndrome – it always seemed something that would never happen to me. And here I was, right in the middle of it –and not able to handle it. I could see my husband was concerned. He talked to me about so many of our friends and relatives whose kids were not even in India but outside India. He made plans for all the things he knew I liked- I think we saw every new play at Kamani auditorium and Sri Ram Centre the months that followed. I hated the new me. I had always been an active, bustling person. Now, while I was keeping myself involved in the house, in work, with people, as before, but I knew that something was not right with me.  Six  months passed when I acknowledged to myself that I was allowing myself to slip into a depressive state.

A very dear friend had been telling me for quite some time about a wonderful practice she had joined. I would listen to her politely but not much registered except the words Nicheren Buddhism. I rang her up and said I would like to know more about the practice. As chance would have it, she had the 2017 New Year meeting at her place two days later. She invited me  for it. When I entered the room about 20-25 people of all ages were already there and chanting Nam-Myo-ho-renge-kyo. The rhythmic chant magically seemed to fill up all the emptiness inside me. I just felt as if I had been given the proverbial ‘Sanjeevani booti’. That very day I told my friend I too wanted to join the practice.

My shakabuku friend started coming over every evening to chant with me. We would sit in my living room facing a bare stone wall and chant. She explained to me that I should put all my wishes, desires in my chanting. Though now I chant in front of the Gohonzon, but till today- whenever I look at that stone wall I am reminded of that period of despair and sadness and how it changed to one of hope and courage.

I started attending all the meetings. Each meeting would fill me with positivity. Even now I remember the genuinely warm and welcoming smiles of the people I met. I thought-‘I want that same smile.’ My interactions with leaders and members were extremely encouraging. I heard the personal experiences of other members and realized how they had overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles. In the study meetings I imbibed concepts such as: how poison can be changed to medicine; that winter is always followed by spring; never disparage anyone; live life with courage, wisdom and compassion, human revolution etc.

I didn’t immediately understand all the concepts, but from the beginning of my practice, members told me: “It’s all about you. You have to make a change yourself to see a change in your situation.” So, I decided to just “get in there” and start working to make a change.

 Soon I could feel the change inside me. When my son went back after his trimester break, I was able to maintain my equilibrium and say bye to him with a smiling face. He must have heard about my melt down from his father and sister because I could sense the relief in him.

The change was not confined to accepting that children have to spread their wings. To date I had never been able to stand up to the elders in my family. What for me had been a show of respect had been read as a sign of timidity and weakness and for the longest time I had allowed myself to be ridden roughshod over. The practice gave me the courage to speak out positively and confidently. If I felt something was not right, or that I did not have the time to do something asked of me, instead of keeping quiet I spoke out. I could see the surprise on the faces but soon that surprise turned to acceptance and even admiration. More importantly, I was at peace because I was not bottling anything inside me. My relationships improved because of the practice.

My actual victory came six months from the date of joining. My daughter, who since post her MBA, had been working in Gurgaon, got a job offer from Flipkart in Bangalore. It was with equanimity and pride I saw her off. After she left, I maintained my routine and did not allow any negative, unhappy thoughts to enter. I kept telling myself: one day at a time. One day at a time, move forward. Believe in yourself. Be happy. I don’t know how, but since joining there has been this constant inner voice that says: “Okay, move forward. Take it one day at a time.” This kind of determination, this fighting spirit that I have forged, has come through my Buddhist practice. My husband, who had been a silent spectator to my metamorphoses, was inspired to join the practice.

As a Hindu I already knew about the concept of karma. In the Buddhist tradition, karma refers to action driven by intention which leads to future consequences. Those intentions are considered to be the determining factor in the kind of rebirth in the cycle of rebirth.

SGI President Ikeda writes: “Nichiren teaches the means for transforming our karma in the present and offers a direct route to building a state of absolute happiness. It teaches that our karma is our noble mission.”

My practice made me conscious about transforming karma. I have since tried to live and speak in a manner which makes me happy while giving grief to as few people as possible.

Friends, here I would just like to add that joining the practice does not mean the gift of the proverbial lamp of Alladin. It is not a quick fix solution to all problems. What it does do, or has done in my case, is to give one the courage to accept that things will happen: your children will leave the nest, people will say hurtful words, illnesses will come, losses will happen. It gives one the compassion to understand that the person who said those hurtful words is in all probability hurting himself or herself; it gives one the wisdom to travel unchartered territory, take decisions, to stop blaming others and to responsibility. Most importantly, it teaches that there is a rainbow at the end of a storm- it’s just that we need to never give up hope.

I quote from (“Winter Always Turns to Spring,” The Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, vol. 1, p. 536)

Those who believe in the Lotus Sutra are as if in winter, but winter always turns to spring. Never, from ancient times on, has anyone seen or heard of winter turning back to autumn. Nor have we ever heard of a believer in the Lotus Sutra who turned into an ordinary person. The sutra reads, “If there are those who hear the Law, then not a one will fail to attain Buddhahood.”