Ab Tak Chhappan- but now ? Status report on NaMo's famed chhati

There is palpable excitement in the voice as it cries out , almost in orgasmic fervour, " I'm coming, I'm coming". And come he does, rushing through  the door of  the living room  , no ordinary living room,  this being the living room of Narendra Modi. Amit Shah skids to a halt and looks questioningly at the man. The man himself is silent , sitting in an  almost cowering  manner in front of the television set. Unbidden, an image of  Seeta , of Seeta Aur Geeta fame, flashes before Shah's eyes. However, Seeta had a wicked chachi, with flashing kohl rimmed eyes, to bully her into that state , but Modi ?

Modi looks at his confidante with stricken eyes and then points, first at the television set and then at his chest. Shah follows the finger and  looks ,first  at the T.V and then at the chest.  The television has Rajdeep Sardesai predicting a huge tally for BJP and for Modi in Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. A puzzled Shah looks askance at Modi. At long last NaMo opens his mouth but only to whisper, " chhati ".  Blushing delicately, Shah looks approvingly at the famed  chest. " Yes, I know, and so does the whole world and its aunt, that  it is a  chhappan inch  chest that you strut around with."  " Amit,  the vital stats have now changed. The chest is no longer 56- it has increased to 65 inches ".  " How did that happen?" " It is all the fault of the opinion polls. Every time Sardesai added a seat to my tally, my chest expanded. By the time Sardesai came to the end my chest had expanded to this size."

" So, it is 65. How is that a problem?"  Modi looks at Shah incredulously. " Problem? Not one but many. Firstly, everyone, specially staticians, will say that I fudge figures and stats. Secondly, I will become the laughing stock- who has a chest of 65 inches? not even Arnold Schwarzenegger ! lastly, what do I wear for  my next rally? I have to leave in exactly fifteen minutes and none of my kurtas fit me."

The next five minutes proved why Amit Shah is indispensable to the Czar of  Gujarat. He rushed to pick up the television remote , changed channels in a fast and furious manner , finally settling on a channel. Silently, he moved away so that Modi could also view the channel. Another opinion poll. Two minutes into the viewing the chest started deflating and was back to its original size by the end of five minutes.
You want to know what the opinion poll predicted ? BJP short of the magic figure by 25 seats. Desperately needs allies. 
Modi as P.M = no allies.
 But BJP manages to form the government.  How?  
Advaniji as P.M = allies.

Some lovely movies I have watched recently

Conversation at the dinner table  in our house mostly centres around politics and our  television viewing is also , almost always, of a political nature. However, in the last month or so , I was finding myself feeling almost exhausted watching the energetic capers of the Aam Aadmi Party and the high decibel noise emanating from the saffron camp . I think movies crept into our 9 p.m  slot  as a means of escape from this  tamasha and noise. Almost a month later, I realize that I have been fortunate enough to catch up on some lovely movies - movies that I had missed out on earlier. The movies may not all be brilliant , but they sure did the work of calming overstrung nerves.  Here is a list of some that I really enjoyed.:

Did you hear about the Morgans This movie didn’t win any awards and , as a matter of fact, did not garner any rave reviews too, but I quite liked it, although Hugh Grant, the lead actor, does walk and talk as if he has just walked off stage and into Hollywood.  In New York City, an estranged couple, Grant and Sarah Jessica Parkar,   witness a murder  and are then relocated to small-town Wyoming as part of a witness-protection program. They are forced to s under the  roof  of local married cops,  played by Sam Elliott and Mary Steenburgen. The rest of the movie is , predictably, about  how love rekindles between the two.

27 Dresses  A delightful story about a girl, Katherine Heigl,  who has been bridesmaid at 27 weddings and now faces the prospect of being a  bridesmaid at the 28th- her sisters  . The catch is that her  sibling is going to marry  her boss, the man  she's secretly in love with. Well , along the way she meets a columnist, falls out of love with her boss and in love with  the  columnist – an adorable character.

No Strings Attached   stars Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher.  The film is about about Kutcher and Portman   deciding to make a pact to have  a"no strings attached" relationship, read sex,  without falling in love with each other. Of course they soon realize that they want something more than just casual sex.

You have got Mail Two business rivals, Tom hanks and Meg Ryan, who  hate each other at the office but fall in love over the internet. Loved the movie.

 

Little Fockers is a 2010 American comedy film and sequel to Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers. It stars Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Blythe Danner, Teri Polo, Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand. 

How to lose a guy in ten days  An extremely clever, funny movie. Kate Hudson is a young journalist who longs to cover political stories, but in the meantime she finds herself writing  a fluffy advice column for a women’s magazine. She soon finds herself writing an article called "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". Andie reveals how she will actually start dating a guy and drive him away but "only using the classic mistakes women make".

At the same time, Matthew McConaughey is trying to  pitch for  advertising  diamonds and explains to his boss and co-workers how "a woman in lust wants chocolate, a woman in love wants diamonds". When they question Ben's knowledge about love, Ben bets he could make any woman fall in love with him if he wanted to. If he can make any woman fall in love with him before the upcoming company ball, in just 10 days, he can head the advertising for the new diamond company.

 Hudson and McConaughey are delightful.

The Accidental Husband  A radio talk-show host who specializes in repairing damaged relationships finds her life suddenly turned upside down when a listener, who took her advice and later regretted doing so, resolves to take revenge on the misguided love doctor.Stars  Uma Thurman, Colin Firth.

Sleepless in Seattle  A recently-widowed man's son calls a radio talk show in an attempt to find his father a partner. Lead actors are  Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Ross Malinger. Music is amazing.

Life as we know It Two single adults become caregivers to an orphaned girl when their mutual best friends, and the child’s parents,  die in an accident.

Stars: Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel  

Stepmom   How a terminally-ill mother, Susan Sarandon,  has to accept   the new woman, Julia Roberts,  in her ex-husband's life, who will be the new stepmother to her two children.

Had a good weep in this one.

Suburban Girl A Manhattan based  book editor,  Sarah Michelle Gellar, finds her take on the game of romance changed after she lures the attention of an influential older man., an extremely attractive, Alec Baldwin .

Nine Months is a 1995 romantic comedy film directed by Chris Columbus..

Child psychologist, Hugh Grant’s, ideal romance with ballet teacher , Julianne Moore,  is turned upside-down when the latter gets pregnant. Too uninvolved with Julianne’s needs, Grant  parts company with her but when he sees an ultrasound of his soon-to-be-born son, he decides that it's time to take responsibility before it's too late.

Valentine’s Day  A story intertwining couples and singles in Los Angeles , with break-ups  and making -up based on the pressures and expectations of Valentine's Day.. Has an ensemble cast of Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Anne Hathaway  , Ashton Kutcher.

The Dream Win

The regret in my voice is genuine as I turn down my friend's invite. "  I would have loved to be there but there is something urgent I need to do .  I have to write an essay for the India Today Conclave". " Wow! you are writing for India Today". Is that a touch of disbelief in her tone? But there is no time to ponder as I try and set the record straight. " Actually, it is a contest and I have to send my entry in for that...".  " That sounds great. India Today, huh. Good Work" .The call ends and I get distracted by the sight of an over active squirrel running all over the woollies that  have been  put out to soak in the sun before being packed away.

It is early evening before the essay comes back to my mind. There is a flurry of activity as one dishes out instructions to all present , alas! only son and maid, that one is not to be disturbed as Very Important Work is going to be done . So, the laptop is opened and I come to the home page of the weekly and , for the fifth time, check out the bait dangled before the contenders for the prize. Yes, it is there , as promised- win a pass worth INR 1 lakh and get a chance to hobnob with the movers and shakers. Fifteen  minutes go in agonizing over  my wardrobe for the 3-4 days of the conclave. The matter is settled by the realization that I have nothing, absolutely nothing, good enough for my debut in high society. For once there is no procrastination in taking action and in one fluid motion I gather my bag, car keys and myself and head out to shop for some decent clothes.

Post dinner goes in explaining to the husband why I had to do what I had to do. In short, doing  the non doable. " You don't want your wife to look like someone swept in from the streets, do you? specially in front of Amitabh Bachchan ? and Deepika Padukone ?"  He looks at me , you know the way husbands look at their wives, in an exasperated manner and says, in an exasperated tone, " you have not yet won the prize."
I look at him , in a way I have perfected for him, all pityingly and forgivingly ( for being from Mars ) and announce grandly, " that is going to be so easy for me - gifted as I am with a flair for writing and with a flair for..."  I stop in the middle of telling him about all  my gifts and flairs because he has picked up the newspaper and buried his head, all ostrich like, in the newspaper.

Morning sees me all charged up. I instruct the maid to dust the study table in my daughters room. I have decided that that is the room best suited for pursuits of a literary nature. Why? well it is tucked away in one corner , has three walls painted white, no not white but ivory white , to soothe a taxed brain, and one wall  yellow - to re energize a tired brain . Of course, it also helps that the daughter is away and  not there to question 'why my room?' Anyways, I am set,the photon is inserted and a new word document opened. Then I realize that I don't know what the topic of the essay is. So, the magazine's home page is opened. The topic is lovely- 'what winning means to you'. I hum a tune as I think of winning moments, alas, not many. I get the perfect opening sentence and am just about to close the home page and come back to MS Word when my eyes fall on the last date for submission of entry.

The husband looks at the spread on the table for dinner- his favourite dishes. Everything is going well and I have managed to keep the conversation centred on Modi and cricket when , drat it, the son says- all casually and in a unusually chatty manner, " mom, you wrote the essay?"

I have to then tell all- that yesterday was the last day for submission of entries.

Two beautiful poems

Have you read anything more beautiful than these lines? 

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
an the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom. 

If You Forget Me  by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine. 

The secret diary of P. Chidambaram

Hah ! There hasn’t been a squeak out of Narendra  Modi since I  put him in his place firmly  by vetoeing  his brand of  school boy debates. That he is still roaring like a Gir Lion let loose is another matter !! However,we, in the UPA , believe in ratty politics and so  do not talk about lions. But give us rats and we can talk ad nauseum about them. Talking of rodents  reminds  me to give myself a pat on the back for distancing myself so neatly from  the UPA  (  This is something I have learnt from Madam. When the party has to be criticized  hop onto the Sarkar ka   bandwagon. When  the government has to be pulled up , hop back to the party side  ).

I took the budget speech as an opportunity to  vindicate  my  stand, my ideology (  of course I do have one !) and  my performance. Well, I had to be clever, you know –subtle- and so I also   painted  a rosy picture of the UPA’s performance over 10 years, but the thrust  of the speech  was about  my monumental  role in rescuing the economy over the last 18 months. But, dear diary, the speech resulted in   a peculiar problem- some  Mr clever   spotted the fact that I  love the ‘I’ word . One  writer   even did   a scan of my budget speech and discovered that  I had  used   the  “I” word  92 times in my  budget speech . That is one “I” every 71 words. The nosey parkar carried on to say that “ the tone of tenor of Chidambaram’s speech also conveyed the same “I-ness”.  How do I  explain , without opening a can of worms , that if I had not been there , in the thick and thin of  my Government’s state of stagnant motion, things would have been worse ?  Yes, I  of  the impeccable credentials -  Harvard educated, Tam Brahm , sneer perched elegantly on my nose, accent ,attitude and lungi   firmly in place .

Accent reminds me of that poor sod, the one in the Government , the one whose accent I could not place. It wasn’t Harvard, of course, nor Cambridge,  Eton , or Yale. I was trying to figure out if it was a Bengali , Bihari or Haryanvi accent and in the process of figuring out my sneer became more pronounced and the local born and bred went to town about it. To put it more succinctly, he kind of ratted on me .

With elections looming in the near horizon, I have been getting all sorts of strange offers of re employment. But the strangest one was from someone called Rohit Shetty. Apparently he has  made some  movie called the ‘Chennai Express’ . Since I do not watch hindi movies I had no idea what it was all about. That is , until he told me the movie starred Deepika Padukone. I sat up straight and  offered  him my left  ear . Gokka Makka ( my goodness) !  Shetty  has offered me an item number- with Dipsy.

 It is going to be called ‘ Lungi Dance II’. 

In my Private World - a poem

                                       
                                           Do you ever feel you are an Island?
                                            surrounded by people on all sides
                                               hemmed in by conversation,
                                              by schedules, to do lists, duties
                                                  and , of course ,by love


                                                     On a Valentine Day
                                                   there is music in the air
                                            plenty of love in deep blood roses
                                        in the solitaire my friend flashes in my face
                                            in the hand he puts on my hand


                                                   I look out from my window,
                                            half hidden by the drapes from the street below,
                                                a black dog dashing at a brown squirrel
                                                       a  whistling lad walking homewards
                                           yellow and orange flowers brightening my courtyard


                                                      There is life around me
                                              books, music, poetry and beauty
                                               children, husband, family and chaos
                                                     why do I feel I am an island?
                                          surrounded by everyone and yet alone
                                           
                                             
                                             


                                         
                                             
                                        

An Ode to the Dappled Sunlight In my Courtyard

I see the sunshine dappled on the floor,
     A bit of warmth and happy rays serene;
Striking a beam now on the bedroom door,
     Light and the Shadows makes one lovely scene.

This glimmering light shimmers throughout the day,
     Moving and slanting as the hours go by;
It is a fascinating gleaming ray,
     Here for a while then fades and then I sigh.

Yet while it lasts I ponder many things,
     Of all the golden memories I hold dear;
Filling me with Hope and Love as it flings,
     Joy, Light, and Shadow—lovely and so clear.