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Friday, March 7, 2014

Ab Tak Chhappan- but now ? Status report on NaMo's famed chhati

There is palpable excitement in the voice as it cries out , almost in orgasmic fervour, " I'm coming, I'm coming". And come he does, rushing through  the door of  the living room  , no ordinary living room,  this being the living room of Narendra Modi. Amit Shah skids to a halt and looks questioningly at the man. The man himself is silent , sitting in an  almost cowering  manner in front of the television set. Unbidden, an image of  Seeta , of Seeta Aur Geeta fame, flashes before Shah's eyes. However, Seeta had a wicked chachi, with flashing kohl rimmed eyes, to bully her into that state , but Modi ?

Modi looks at his confidante with stricken eyes and then points, first at the television set and then at his chest. Shah follows the finger and  looks ,first  at the T.V and then at the chest.  The television has Rajdeep Sardesai predicting a huge tally for BJP and for Modi in Uttar Pradesh and Bihar. A puzzled Shah looks askance at Modi. At long last NaMo opens his mouth but only to whisper, " chhati ".  Blushing delicately, Shah looks approvingly at the famed  chest. " Yes, I know, and so does the whole world and its aunt, that  it is a  chhappan inch  chest that you strut around with."  " Amit,  the vital stats have now changed. The chest is no longer 56- it has increased to 65 inches ".  " How did that happen?" " It is all the fault of the opinion polls. Every time Sardesai added a seat to my tally, my chest expanded. By the time Sardesai came to the end my chest had expanded to this size."

" So, it is 65. How is that a problem?"  Modi looks at Shah incredulously. " Problem? Not one but many. Firstly, everyone, specially staticians, will say that I fudge figures and stats. Secondly, I will become the laughing stock- who has a chest of 65 inches? not even Arnold Schwarzenegger ! lastly, what do I wear for  my next rally? I have to leave in exactly fifteen minutes and none of my kurtas fit me."

The next five minutes proved why Amit Shah is indispensable to the Czar of  Gujarat. He rushed to pick up the television remote , changed channels in a fast and furious manner , finally settling on a channel. Silently, he moved away so that Modi could also view the channel. Another opinion poll. Two minutes into the viewing the chest started deflating and was back to its original size by the end of five minutes.
You want to know what the opinion poll predicted ? BJP short of the magic figure by 25 seats. Desperately needs allies. 
Modi as P.M = no allies.
 But BJP manages to form the government.  How?  
Advaniji as P.M = allies.

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