Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Of Alia Bhatt's video and our need for Approval




You must have seen the 'Alia Bhatt video' by now. Yes, the same brilliant  one  which shows her joining an academy to increase her  IQ. The video is clever, full of laugh a minute gags and designed to serve its main purpose of putting an end to all the 'Prithviraj Chauhan is the President of India' jokes that exploded after Alia's  debut on the KJo show.

The video set me thinking. Here is a person who is young, fresh faced, refreshing and a good actor. Viewers of hindi movies have taken to her and all her movies have done well. In short has everything going for herself
( except for an IQ that plays truant on important days). With everything her side Alia  still felt  the need to win the  approval and validation of those who had not yet done so. Why?

To a very large  extent, we all care what  the other  person  thinks of us. Knowingly or unknowingly we  role play  our lives in a manner that will win us the maximum votes of approval. A simple job  of deciding what to wear for a dinner turns into an onerous task because the decision is governed by our desire  to look our best for those who will be present at  the said dinner.

I have a' friend ' on Facebook whose sole mission in life seems to be to take selfies of herself and then to post them. So,  a Tuesday sees her  reclining on a hammock  in a baby  blue dress , Wednesday she is  a red and white polka dotted  mannequin , Thursday is buttery yellow, Friday...   I am pretty sure she maintains a diary of the 'likes' she gathers. 50 likes- see there are so many out there who like me! I worry about her sometimes because sooner than later people will tire of her untiring efforts at self promotion and the likes will begin to peter out. How will she take it, rather, will she be able to take it?

Just the other day I met a friend for coffee. She looked different and I said so. In her words-"I am someone who has lived most of her life according to rules set by others. The problem with rules is that the person who sets them also gets to  tell you whether you abided by them or not. So, you guessed it, I spent a major part trying to win approval and validation by  conforming  to rules and to a whole lot of people and their  ideas. And then one day , just a normal day, I realized that  I had not thought of what the other person /people  was/were thinking. Not only that- I also realised that I felt happier, more confident and more 'me'. Voila! That was my Independence Day."

Yes, it is true. The approval we  really need to find is from ourselves.  However, this can only begin once we stop searching for approval from  others.

9 comments:

  1. Yeah I watched that video and I salute here spirits. It's not easy for anyone to do it.
    Haters will always be there no matter what. I love her. After I watched highway, I really felt that she can be the star in upcoming future. Acting is what she is meant for and what her career is. But people need to criticize everyone for something. That's why we see all those outrageous messages on social media sites.

    You said it right. All you need is your own approval. She does not need to prove anything to anybody else. For her age, she is doing pretty well in the industry (and that's not just because of her background but her skills too).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you watch her interview with Niranjan something yesterday? She is really good!

      Delete
  2. What a post Anju. So so true that most of the times we end up thinking will the others be happy of what we do or not do. And truly we should be making our selves happy and no one else. I really liked your post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Shweta.Yes, we should be first thinking of our happiness- after all if we are happy we make others happy too. But the question is- do we allow ourselves to think of our happiness?
      :)

      Delete
  3. That was so true, Anju. I too wonder why we try to make others happy all the time without thinking about what would make us happy. To hell with what people think about us or say about us! At the end of the day, does people's perception about us really matter?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To answer your question- yes and no . When we are strong -perceptions don't matter. But in moments of weakness, we allow them to affect us. No easy answers !!

      Delete
  4. yeah ... that lookout for approval ... if it grows ,its the worst wish/longing/need... they say out of the three ichachas - dhanecha- the desire to be rich
    putrecha- the desire to have sons
    yashecha -the desire to be attain fame and approval
    the third one is the most infectious and heady as it knows no limits and is un-satiable.... sucks the life from a person,... every thing gesture word such a man speaks,does is for approval and acceptance from others... Great post. it nicely points out this needs .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Kokila, you have raised such pertinent points!! Thanks!

      Delete